WHY EXILIANT MATTERS

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier.’”

- Alfred Lord Tennyson 

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More than 75% of US foster children are in foster care due to neglect. So how does making dreams come true for neglected children bring hope and healing into their lives when they’ve already experienced so much hardship and loss? It starts by trying to reverse the effects of neglect by letting children of neglect know that they are not alone and providing them a reason to believe that the future can be different than the past.

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NEGLECT THROUGH A CHILD'S EYES

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Neglect is as pernicious as it is devastating for children. While neglect is proven to be traumatic, it can be hard to define when compared to other forms of trauma such as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse because it's generally an absence of action not necessarily the commission of an action. But, neglecting children is about more than simply ignoring them – it is about failing to care for them and harming them in the process. 

 

From a child’s perspective, being neglected comes in many forms but it has similar results.

 

They don’t have many of their peers’ experiences. They rarely experience the everyday sparks of joy and surprise. In fact, surprises can be traumatizing themselves because most of the surprises they’ve known have been negative or harmful. Neglected children are forced to survive, and in some cases, in extraordinary ways. For many of these children, neglect has robbed them of their childhood. 

 

Here are some firsthand examples of what neglect looks like for real-life foster children known and served by Exiliant:

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• A four year-old girl being forced to feed herself and her two siblings meals consisting of eggs, noodles, hotdogs and cereal.

• A three year-old caring for an infant and filling his bottle with soda instead of juice or formula.

• A child who was so food insecure that she had to be taught how to bite, chew and swallow because when she had food in front of her she would stuff her mouth so full that she couldn’t chew or swallow. 

• A large sibling group having to drink rainwater from the outside because the family’s tap water was turned off.

• A seven year-old who didn’t know when his birthday was and never had a birthday party celebrating him or his precious birth. 

• Foster children whose lives are reduced to a trash bag. This is called the trash bag effect and it occurs (frequently) when children are moved suddenly within the foster care system and their belongings are quickly thrown into a trash bag to send with them. 

• Children who never had the chance to play on a sports team, attend a simple playdate, or enjoy a friend’s birthday party because they didn’t have a parent who had the initiative, energy or capacity to take them to such events.

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THE COST OF NEGLECT 

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When a child experiences neglect, it strikes deeply inside of them in ways they may not even know. Not only does it rob them of their childhood, but it can rob them of their future. Here are some messages received by a child who is neglected:

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• “I don’t matter.” 

• “I am not loved, needed, wanted, or important.”

• “I am a burden.”

• “Nobody cares about me.”

• “No one cares about my situation.”

• “I am all alone. There is no one to provide for me.”

• “There is nothing good for me.”

• “Something bad is going to happen.”

• “The bad things that happen are my fault.”

• “Things will never get better.”

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In summary, the cumulative effect of the totality of neglect can lead children to feel devastated. They feel unsafe, insecure, invalidated, powerless and hopeless. They don’t feel known or cared for and believe that they are alone in the world. They feel invisible.

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LET NEW THINGS SPRING FORTH

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Exiliant wants to change that. With your help, we can provide activities for these children that reverse the paucity and calamity of neglect. Many foster children are in foster homes now where they can start to rebuild their lives. They can begin to experience common everyday experiences that most other children simply take for granted. 

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Can you imagine what it would feel like for a child who has only known neglect to:

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• Put on, for the first time ever, a team jersey and become a wanted and valued member of a team?

• Be lifted up onto a saddle of a horse and learn how to ride such a big and beautiful animal?

• Open their eyes and see a birthday cake of their favorite superhero or character staring back at them wishing them a “Happy Birthday!”?

• Sit wide-eyed at a ballet watching dancers perform the beautiful spectacle of The Nutcracker or Cinderella?

• Learn how to touch black and white keys on a piano so that it plays Mary Had A Little Lamb?

• Be given their very own sports equipment so that they can practice a newfound passion whenever they'd like to practice?

• Learn how to capture beauty or express what they are feeling inside through drawing, painting, or other forms of art?

• Learn how to twirl and jump and move their bodies to music through the beautiful art forms of dance or gymnastics?

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Every one of these experiences (and more!) plants seeds of interest, investment, and care and unlocks growth, potential, opportunity, and hope. When a child begins to realize that he or she is not alone and that the future can, indeed, hold good things for them—and not just bad things—it starts to bring healing. Their entire outlook on life changes. 

 

The remarkable thing is that a $75 birthday cake given to a child of neglect is like the equivalent of giving a $7,500 Disney trip for a child who has never known neglect. It doesn’t take a lot to transform these kids’ lives. 

We invite you to join us in being the change that these children need in their lives. It’s time to make these invisible children visible and to “Let New Things Spring Forth” (or birth new things) for them... one activity and one child at a time.

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"It is amazing how a little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday."   - John Guare

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